i dont know why i EVER started dating you in the first place, it just felt right over everyone else who was trying at the time. and i still to this day dont know what attracts me to you and how you mean so much to me. like i really dont know, but God do i love you. im not even IN LOVE with you, but i love you so fucking much i cant stand it right now. 

HOW is what id like to know. how do i seriously not know why i feel any certain way about you. and how do i not know what i mean to you. 

pleeaassee fucking tell me. mind fucked like shit.

Koolant from The Wailers sang to me today!

Epic moment at the Epic Buffet!

between all the ppl ive talked to, messed around with, etc. only 2 continue to remain constant in my life. it gives me no other thought than that im meant to be with one of them. figuring out which is the hardest part. i love them both, but im IN love with one which is the one that always leaves. the other one has literally been there behind the scenes for the past 3 yrs. i know i go to him for comfort when the others not around, but it feels different this time somehow i cant explain. nd i know that after all this time there has to be more to the reason he stays fuckn with me than just that we hook up or to get back at her. im sure ive blogged about somesort of this before, but it really just gets to me. cuz i feel like i know stuff but really i have no fucking idea about anything. no idea about how either of them feel about me. no idea why they insist on fuckin with my head. no fucking clue.

im so upset/mad/confused/everything right now.

i was fine until i saw a picture of my ex with his g/f, even it being the tiniest thumbnail ever on fb chat, it still made my heart sink into my stomach. it literally makes me sick to think about them being together. ive been surprisingly more ok with the fact that he left again the only thing that gets me is i have no idea why he told me everything he did before. any other time he made it to be strictly friends but this time it was more. FOR WHAT?! why tell me that and make things happen if your plan the whole time was to leave when the bitch wanted you back?! why why whyyy is all i can say. i have soo many questions why and none of them are answered and THAT is what bothers me about you leaving, because it doesnt make sense. and im so infuriated with that every day but it only gets to me sometimes. 

it honestly just makes me want to run to my other ex just so he can hold me and comfort me. idec about hooking up or dating him, i just want to hold him and have the same in return. and this time its even more crazy wantin to be with him cuz i really thought i was over the feelings of wanting to date him and such but now i really dont know i think id be ok with that maybe. but i think this time i feel like that because we both need comfort, both of exs fucked us over BAD. i just want to be there for him regardless of how much shit i talked to him and how much we’ve gone through because of our exs. i just wish we could talk to each other about it, but i seriously dont think i could hear about how much he cared about her blah blah but idk if he could say the same for me, ya know? im so confused with everything between us now and i have no one to tell it to because really he’s the one i need to talk with.

this fucking sucks. i hate this. i hate her. i wish all fucked up slutty ass bitches would die, LEGIT.

hello again ex b/f, i love that every time things go wrong with our other ex’s we find our way back to each other. i guess we find the same comfort in each other. hmm no wonder my ex hates you and yours hates me.

its ok tho.

you always come back when i need someone there. you always make me feel good, regardless of the circumstances. but last night seein that huge smile on your face and hearin that laugh i honestly dont think ive heard since we dated 2 years ago, it just made me sooooo happy. it sucks it had to come to this for you, and i honestly know it sucks, but God man you’re free! i mean i told you from the begining about her it just took you almost a year to figure that out. and idk what last night was about, either you werr fucked up and lonely or really just wanted me, but it honestly felt different than any other time. i’ve missed YOU so much. you said “you never know what will happen” and damn it boy, you made me think about if something did how i wouldnt mind. but all in all, thank you for being there when im lonely and i dont mind returning the favor. i just hope you do the right thing and dont go back to her after this. you actually sounded a little happy when you said “we’ve been broke up for 4 weeks” lol. hope you really are happy though cuz thats all i ever wanted you to be. and i knew you werent happy with her, cuz if you were  you would have been hollerin at me all the time. 

idk where things are gonna go with us, but right now i just want to be around you alot just cuz you comfort me. hope im not misreading you or w.e either. and i guess its true that there is still something there, i laughed when you told me cuz i just figured sex was it. but who knows now. i love you homie always will, just want you to be happy and if you happen to make me happy then thats even better!

damnit man!

why is it that every single time things with one ex gets fuck, the other ex comes runnin back to me?! (ive dated/messed with the same 2 ppl for the past 2 years lol wtf)

even crazier that this time, we’ve both been without our ex’s for the same amount of time. AND my ex HATES you, and yours HATES me, maybe i am blind to the fact that there is something more there cuz im too stubborn…?

“you never know what will happen” well homie, what the fuck. i still feel like we use eachother cuz werr there lol. we’ll see i guess.