after this happening for probably the 5th time. i know i should let you go and just let you leave. you fucked up this time more than ever, and i guess you realized thats why you left. but i hate so much that i know i’ll never be able to do that. ive lost one best friend, and hes never coming back and i regret every day that i didnt get to have a final conversation with him or at least one more. i dont want that to happen with you, i love you with everything and i cant stand to see you go and have a family that doesnt include me but you ARE my best friend at the same time, and i care about you so much that i cant let you go. im not strong enough to lose someone else especially one that means this much to me. after AALLL you’ve done to me, im still able to look at you and love you like i did the first time. i never would have been with you if i hadnt been for our friend, you never would have came back again if you never got fb, the next time you came back cuz i had a question about my ex, this time you did it on your own. because you missed me, because ive been here for the past 5 years since i met you, not just because you knew id still be here but because you wanted me to still be here. you could have went back to any other girl but YOU chose me. and YOU chose this time to be more than friends when i said i just wanted my best friend back. everything happens for a reason, you come back to me for a reason, and it cant JUST be because i let you cuz its different each time. we both know we can never be just friends, so why fight it?! you tell our friend that you left cuz we’re on different paths in our life, which isnt really even true. im at the point where i want to find the person im going to marry which means i want to settle down and have a house within the next 2 years. you want the same, but also want a kid to fill your hole in your heart. my thing: a child cant raise a child. im saying that for me and for you, its my time to be selfish and have fun because i cant once i have a kid. im not even 20 years old yet, slow down, nothings killing you any faster than living day by day. let things lay where they fall, dont fight it. i KNOW that something has to get to you when i talk about shit, cuz why else would you KEEP coming back. for 2 years! granted it is between relationships so sometimes i feel like a place holder, but at the same time you realize that i really was one of the best things to happen to you. and you’re right compared to you i am an angel, but dont tell me i deserve better even though i know it. all i deserve is what makes me happy, and i KNOW that if you hadnt broke my trust these last 2 times, id have a family with you in a heartbeat. its not like i feel like that just cuz you were my last real relationship, cuz i can feel if somethigns there with a kiss. and ive kissed enough ppl after you to know that i want no one but you. even with what you’ve done, cuz ppl make mistakes. but the thing about mistakes, is that you DONT make them again. and thats what gets me this time is because you PROMISED and SWORE to me you wouldnt lie, cheat, or leave EVER again but you did it anyway. all because someone already has a kid so basically you already have the family your dad wanted you to have. i never got to meet your dad, but i honestly dont think that he’s up in heaven smiling down at you for what you’re doing. guarantee that he’s not proud of you what so ever.
just hope you’re gonna be happy with the last words you speak to me, because it may be the last time you ever see me.