L-I-V-I-N

i feel it that things aren’t supposed to be this way. im not supposed to keep losing you, even though this time is the only time i’ve actually lost you. i feel powerless even though i know i control what happens. you wont come around me, i feel good that you fear me, but at the end of it all its still me. and i only do this because i care.

i want/need sex and good weed. now.
the one person i know could help with this, isnt talking to me. probably for forever.
not only that, hes the only one who knows exactly what i want. sexwise anndd weedwise.
this blows.

i love the sky and stars, because even when the world is dead and gone it’ll still be there. and its always more beautiful than anyone in this world.

that the one person i figured cared the least about me, is really the only one who has been here the whole time. he told me before we broke up “im not gone” i told him he was lying. after me and my other ex broke up(the one below), i ran to him and said i lost him too he said “im still here, im not gone” and ever since then he’s showed he cares about me but its been so hard for me to see it. he was around when i didnt have a b/f, i got one and he stopped, we broke up and he comes back around. but this time, i think he really might be gone.

and the one person i figured cared the most, the one i wanted to care about me more than anyone, is almost completely gone. he said we’d be friends, and i told him there was no way cuz its not the same, our friendship would never be the same after we broke up. and i was right, i wanted so bad to be wrong for once. he told me that he didnt want to get in the way of what me and my ex had(the one above), i never understood why he said that and never will. but im starting to think maybe he wasnt completely wrong.

it proves that i was wrong about one person. even tho ive said i dont want to be with him, i still love him. it was more about just wanting to save him from what he was becoming because of that girl, but now im second guessing myself. his brother told me, as i was saying with my feet planted that “he doesnt care about me, he never really did”, “you’re the reason he comes around the reason hes here now, i know alot more than you think”. me being stubborn said he was stupid and wrong, but knowing hes not going to talk to me, knowing hes not going to show up at our friends house anymore, makes me realize that i AM the reason. he just has a bad way of showing he cares.